The 'Write' Mode!

Statutory warning: This post has the least bit of essence in it, so please be obliged to take this statement of mine as an anticipatory bail…

 Not a realization, but a hard reality.

I stopped writing, to be correctly put - I lost the writer instincts.

Livelier were those days when I jotted down every single happening of the day to my hefty diary. Livelier were those days when I scribbled 'Haikus' in my text book, lab observation, mummy's grocery list and her well cherished telephone diary. To be most humbly put, those were results of my creative bend and I did manage to get a fan-club for myself, with Bawa the President and Sissy as the ' rude critic'.

Often taunted as 'Bhuji' in the family get-togethers, I never felt the outside world getting on my head. I was in a world of my own. For them I was the Surrayya of the family. When all other girls covered their heads with colorful hijabs, I just walked around swinging my two-plaits. When all other girls opted for the backdoor entrance, I always loved to lie on my grandpa's recliner in the verandah. No one tried to correct me, because for them that is how they wanted me to be.

When I opted for Journalism from Physics, Bawa was the happiest and Mummy didn’t show the least sign of surprise. But Sissy said, "are you crazy? You will lose your complexion wandering out in the sun"! That is my Sissy – the beauty conscious one, always spotted with the smell of gram flour...

I should say that I had the best teachers ever in Mass Communication. They understood what my essence is, and they directed me right there. When I started working right in the first year of my post-graduation, I moved around heads high… I wrote, wrote and wrote. The thrill of journalism enveloped me and I loved every single bit of it. Change of location demanded change of profession, and forced me to write for the World Weird Web. It was all a play with jargons, however it can be agreed that there was a creative finishing to that work.

Enter wedlock, and I had to push the bundle of books away! May be it is because of the changing lifestyle, changing phases or the changing perceptions (hmm). I was more used to the 'leave-me-alone' mode, and people at home knew how much that means to me. There were times I remained in my room for the whole day, going through books I have read for umpteen times. Reading was into my blood! But the Mrs version hardly had the time to get the hands on books. Guest visits, 'daugher-in-law' responsibilities, kitchen panics (will they like this style?!), and a lot of similar things kept me away from the world of words for an year.

And the sad truth is that, the new version got on me and I started loving to stay away from books. Earlier, I used to 'post-mortem' each sentence, but now am more into shuffling the papers. It is not that I don’t have time, I do have lots of it these days, but don’t know what, there is some kind of inhibition. Mind and brain remains buzzing even hours after work, not to mention the 'you-have-more-to-do' attacks!

What is cluttering in my mind? Is it the least satisfaction at work? But as CC (my best buddy in Qatar) said, there is no point in  brooding over what situation you are in now and wasting your time, just move. There are so many ventures lying around you, you cannot see them just because you don’t have the right keys. He is right, it is high time I should move on.

As the Anonymous said 'Beware of the man of one book'.

- Positive-thinkingly yours

Changing perceptions!

 

A bit of flashback!

Location: Ernakulam Kavita Theater

Movie: Aakasa Doothu

Year: 1993 (!)

Ambiance: Noisy, post-show crowd, rush, honkings

Mommy and Sissy with swollen eyes. The hanky in mommy's hand is soaked as if in a downpour, sissy is still sniffing, big bro looks like he is mourning, and bawa (moi dad) lost in thoughts – I have seen this expression on his face, only in the month ends, when analyzing the monthly sales reports! And Me, all excited about the journey back to Fort Kochi by boat! "Bawa, we are going by boat neh? I want the side-seat!"!

No one else seem to share my excitement, making me go quizzical and wondering what is really wrong! A look around brought me the realization that it is not only my family which is affected. Everyone who got from the theatre looks as if they have lost a dear one in some natural disaster!

I started nagging Bawa and Mommy about the side-seat again, finally dad asked me "Kuttu, don’t you feel even a bit of sorrow or didn’t you even shed a tear seeing the situation of that lady in the movie?"$%$%$%%$$%$%^%

And I retorted! "They are getting paid for their acting, and why the hell you get a migraine for yourself crying throughout the movie?"! AND there I made yet another dialogue for my dad to record and replay it for umpteen number of times in the future!

Flashback ends

Location: Qatar

Movie: Aakasa Doothu

Year: 2010

Ambiance: Hum of the air-conditioner, silence, silence and more of it!

There I am! Crouching on the sofa and weeping to glory.

I don’t know whether it is changing lives, changing destinations or the changing attitudes, but the Kuttu, as known to my bawa, has changed. The girl who laughed at the senti-scenes in the movies, now started weeping and sniffing even at the slightest hint of tragedy!

This reminded me of the sermon by the priest last week. "You are not human, if you don’t shed tears seeing the pain of others." "You are not human, if you don’t take the sorrow of others as yours."

Does that mean the younger Kuttu was inhuman? Or can I call her more logically oriented or just practical?!

~~~~wondering~~~~~